A divorce can be a very stressful process. The sad reality is that couples who go through a divorce would often find themselves mentally, emotionally, and even physically drained as they come to an agreement about the proper division of property. And this becomes exponentially harder when children are involved.
Here are a few ways you can lessen its negative impact on your children.
Find a good divorce lawyer
Your lawyer will be on your side, fighting for you to get a fair arrangement in division of property and the custody of your children. Thus, it is important for you to hire a good divorce lawyer who has the expertise to handle your particular situation. They should listen to what you need and be able to give you the advice that you need. An experienced family lawyer will already have proven strategies in court that would mitigate the stress associated with divorce.
Talk to your children
Communicate with your children. Let them know that you and your partner are separating and assure them that it is not their fault. Do not keep the process a secret. Despite your good intentions, keeping it a secret might cause your children to grow up blaming themselves for the dissolution of your marriage.
You and your partner should sit down together with your children, and assure them that both of you still love them. Details of the divorce should be shared only when necessary and done in an age-appropriate way. A therapist can help you communicate with your children better during this stressful time.
Consider finding a therapist for you and your children
As suggested above, talking to a professional who will not only listen to them, but also guide them as they navigate through this major change will help lessen the pain of the divorce. It may also prevent any resentment or guilt from growing because of the separation.
Additionally, you may also benefit from the services of a therapist as you navigate your own emotions. After all, it is only when you are mentally and emotionally stable will you be able to help your own children understand the situation.
Do not let your children see your emotions
Even when things get tough, never let your children witness your frustration or anger. It is completely normal and understandable to be emotional during the process, but be calm when you are at home.
Witnessing your emotional outbursts may confuse or even traumatise your children. You should find your own support system (relatives, friends, even a therapist) with whom you can talk about the divorce and with whom you can air your grievances.
Continue being friendly with your spouse
You may be separating, but your partner is still a parent to your children. Despite the chaos in court, whenever your children are around, continue to be civil with your ex. Whenever possible, show them an allied front. Your goal should be to reassure them that, although things around the house would change, life would not be too bad. They still would have both parents in their lives.
No child should be used as a pawn against a partner during divorce. Allow your children to spend time with your former spouse without any resentment. And when they are with you, do not coax your children into spilling details about your ex. Rather, spend time with them by doing activities that you both enjoy. This will help you both be more at peace.
